new rules for the new year

So I want some new rules to live by, when you are born you get all these gifts and money, that’s yours not your parents but yours, same for the first 4 birthdays that money is yours and is kept for you. When you turn five you get to look at the balance and see if you want to withdraw the money and buy some stuff. Now if you do this your parents can not say no, so if you want a weedwacker at 5 then it’s yours. You want candy same thing. Now you do not have to spend any of it or you can spend all of it but that is the rules. You can spend it as you wish, no interference, now if your parents spend any of it you get to garnish their wages until the debt is paid back and you can spank them too.
Spanking is now allowed but we will all be trained to spank correctly, because there are different kinds of spankings, you are a child and misbehaved spanking all the way to S&M safe word spanking, you will be taught all forms and how they are to be used. Parents may now spank their children in public if they need to strangers may as well but it has to be in front of the parent and the person must have been an expert spanker, this is a qualification you earn through training.
All cars will now have two way radios and the number will be the license plate. Going with government training you are also assigned a skill level for driving, not a bullshit skill level like in school like let’s just pass the kid but a real skill level, where you can use the left lane and other passing lanes and you have more power than other drivers. Also if you get a fruity personalized license plate and people call you on their two -way you have to answer as to why you got the plate and what it means. If you do this in a snarky way then that person has the right to spank you, see the above rule.
As a young man or woman you have the right to own an exotic pet (as long as it is not endangered) now if it bites you tears off your face or genitalia or anything crazy like that well that is the way it is. It’s called you took the risk so that’s what you get rule. Now that not to say your pet would not rock, it probably will but if you have a black widow and it bites you oh well that sucks same for monkeys, alligators, and all shit like that, want a zebra then fine I do not know what you are gonna do with it but have one. And by the way anyone who has a pet can’t say well it’s just like a dog or some shit. That just peeves me to no end. You will get spanked and have your animal taken away.