Road House Rules

Roadhouse is the quintessential movies of the 80’s it belongs in the top of most every movie list. Now it is true that there are other movies that belong in that quintessential spot as well because that means that it belongs in the hall of fame of the 80’s movies. Now there are many movies that are good some that are very good and some are Hall of fame, think about how many movies were made and how many you can name so with much fanfare and delight here is the list of hall of Fame movies of the 80’s
Action Movies:
1 . Road House – Drinking and Fighting and martial arts Dalton is not that big but he still can fight one two three it does not matter, the best cooler in the business (next to wade Garrett) is ready to kick some ass at any point
2. Die Hard – Created the wisecracking action star, A one man demolition, crew that created more destruction than lives saved but it was worth it Yippee Cay Yeaah Mother Fucker
3. Terminator –“ I’ll be back”. Made Arnold the Man No Jokes just relentless. My name is Reese Kyle and you have been targeted for termination.
4. Empire Strikes Back – Leah rocks the Bikini, We meet Yoda, and Darth Cuts his own kids hand off. That is the Hard Core
5. Road Warrior - The man with no name, Ferrell Boy, Gyro captain, and Humongous Gay Punk Rock Bikers and custom cars looking for gas ”two days ago I saw a rig that can carry that tanker out of here you wanna leave, you talk to me”
Love Stories
1 . Road House – The romance between Dalton and Doc is so touching and breathtaking that it transcends love
2. Lethal Weapon – Come on we all know that underneath everything Riggs and Murtough were in love with each other.
3. Say Anything - But in fact it ruins the whole Genre, I mean really could anyone really ever be Lloyd Dobler? I do not think so, but now every woman really wanted that, thanks Cusack you dick
4. Sid and Nancy- Gary Oldman at his Best and the Sex Pistols, it’s over the top with a doomed romance but pure romance none the less.
5. Top gun – the stifled romance between Ice Man and Maverick just hurts to watch 2 men so obviously in love but because of military protocol it is unspoken and unacted upon
Comedies / Teen Movies
1, Spinal Tap – Eleven is louder than 10. Stonehenge and exploding drummers Big Bottoms.
2. Ghost busters – Come on, Dr. Peter Venkman is Funny end of story.
3. Fast Times at Ridgemont High – Spicooli, Damone, Hamilton, and Phoebe Cates topless
4. Heathers – Christian Slater, doing Jack Nicholson, High School Cliques and Dead “Gay” Football players
5. Breakfast Club- John Bender and his corruption of all the cliques in High School
Honorable mention – Road house –I thought you’d be bigger, plus you could be my Regular Saturday Night.
Drama
1, ET –Help, the dude he needs to get home and the government won’t let him. I thought we didn’t allow illegal aliens in the country
2. Raging Bull – Yeah I fucked your brother, and I sucked his cock, and his cock is bigger than yours.
3. Road house – What will happen between Dalton and Doc, or Dalton and Wesley, or Wesley and Red. It is never ending drama in Jasper.
4. Scarface – Yes it is over rated and should not be here but you have to give it to Al and Michele Pheipher
5. Platoon – Come on Chris was Vietnam, from naive to cynical, from, good too bad the tension and love hatred and despair. More complete then Full Metal
Horror
1. Shining -Heere’s Johnny Jack at his best and Scatman gets an ax in his chest.
2. Henry Portrait of a serial Killer – I really use this as a hand book
3. Nightmare on Elm Street – Horror with the funny
4. Friday the 13th – Sorry Mrs. Voorhees But your boy Jason became the big star, but don’t worry he kept your head in the fridge so he would not forget you every time he got a soda
5. Near Dark – Vampires who travel the west in a Winnebago and kill people including man child, Homer and Bill Paxton as Sevrin. This movie is what the Lost Boys wanted to be but did not have the balls
As you can see by going through the list that road house comes up time and time again it is for this reason that Road House should be considered on the Hall of Fame and one of the quintessential movies of the eighties

In Search of the Perfect Shirt.

So I am here, where ever that is and I am wearing my standard three shirts, yes I know that it is summer and it sometimes gets hot and I will drop down to two shirts but that IS NOT THE ISSUE HERE RIGHT NOW. Ladies why must you insist on wearing sleeveless shirts all the time, are you showing us your lack of muscle? Well don’t because unless you are Linda Fucking Hamilton from T2 then there is nothing there. What, have a nice shoulder tat for us to see, well I have one too as does millions of people it’s not that original. Do you think it looks good? Well look around at some of boys walking around with their wife beaters and colored undershirts on do they look good? Most likely not unless they are jacked, even then they are probably just a meathead and have no brain. If that is your style then you are not mine. Well for a week or two but then that’s it. Anyway I like a sleeve and something that creates a little cleavage and covered the shoulder Men that we are, we are idiots and most of them will wear what you tell us to, so now that you have told your boyfriend or whoever that you did not like this and to wear that, well now it’s your turn.

Rule 1. Stop going out in Pajama pants you fucking slob it is disgusting and makes us all feel sceevy, I don’t care if you just got up, stop it.

Rule 2. Do something better to your hair please. Those hair up in a ball while there are loose pieces all around is really unattractive, I know you are saying it looked good on Pebbles Flintstone, well Pebbles is a cartoon you are not.

Rule 3. Flip Flops. – Stop wearing them. They do nothing to make your feet or legs more attractive in fact it does the opposite it makes you look squat and dumpy. Wear Sandals O.K. but flip flops come on, ask yourself this ladies “do you think Playboy models would wear flip-flops?” I don’t thinks so and neither should you.

Rule 4. Never combine rules one, two and three. Failure to adhere to this rule could cause severe punishment or even death.

Albums and their Covers

I am sitting here on my deck the lawn is moved the weeds are wacked (as I am) and its all blown away (insert own joke here please) just having a diet Pepsi and listening to Pandora as I look around the net and as All of My Love from Zep came on it reminded me or how cheated our little brothers sisters and children have become. And no I am not even talking about the greatness of Zeppelin which can be debated for hours but that might be another blog. I am talking about the coolness of the album In through the Out Door, I am sure you remember the weird brown wrapper that felt like a waldbaums bag and the 4 different sleeves inside. Also the sleeves were able to change, if you put water on it a watercolor appeared. Not only did you get all that you got the album too, maybe not one of their best but still. Albums were cool some really sick shit, Kiss Destroyer tell me that didn’t tell a story any Pink Floyd album, come on. But even as late as 87 when Appetite for Destruction came out the original album cover had to be recalled because of the cover. I remember parts of my youth where I spent hours in the Record Stop in Ronkonkoma and buying shit because of the album cover( Judas Priest) or not buying it because of the cover( Poison) or reading Kerrang and Circus Magazine and watching a band before the popped and became huge and I think that because our stupid kids just download they are missing so much and it hurts them. I mean those of you with kids what do they listen too? How did they find it? I know that there are kids out there that do it I mean I know some of them but too many are just so fucking blind to what they are missing. I loved chilling out in my room with headphones on Not ear Pods that ping everything out and listen to a whole album by a band and I did it with all of them I knew every song on every album. I miss albums I miss the liner notes and the cool pics inside, I miss looking for the special release with the poster inside or the stickers or just liner notes. The Crue and this album was made on Jack and krell come on we all knew what they were talking about and doing and it made you feel like part of something. What do we get now; downloads and twitter that is not even run by the band but by a publicist. I love my iPod and all the shit that I have at the tips and I totally use them sometimes for the new and sometimes for the old but I still miss albums. I do like crazy and enjoyed Britney’s crazy and Gaga for a bit that’s all I got for now and hey it’s a long summer some will hit some will miss

New Sneakers Part One

Sometimes things just make you feel good and I think I know what I need to make me feel better. I need a nice new pair of Nike Shoxx or some other cross trainer or running shoe. They make me feel better, always so crisp and white just begging to be put on and worn. New sneakers are like a new beginning with a new girl friend you look at em and think how crisp and sexy they are. Look at those babies I might be the first one to put my foot into them yeah. I think about the future of my shoes, the possibilities yet to happen, hoping that these new Kicks will motivate me to new heights. They will demand that I run in them they will not allow me knees and ankles to hurt it will be wonderful. They are Beautiful and white they have splashes of color to entice me even more. They will help me run faster jump higher and do whatever I want the future possibilities are endless. Now I believe that sneakers should be white I know Chuck Taylors were Black but Keds All-Stars were white and that’s what I wore. It is not a racist or sneakerist thing I do not have anything against other colors of sneakers I just love White Sneakers. So the sneaker that is new is a new beginning the future is unworn and unwritten like a relationship that us just starting. They feel different and great and you hope they will be the best pair ever and you hope that the feeling of your new shoe never changes.

Movies

Welcome back it has been awhile since I have had the desire to say or spread anything and while it still is a struggle I will try to get back into the swing of things for both of our sakes. Well lets talk about whats new and how I feel about that.
New movies that I have seen have been ok I really like paranormal activity but that was probably because it was interesting and done from a different perspective for 11 grand or whatever they made it for it sure as hell was more interesting then Public Enemies and that standard ass bullshit. Brothers looks good because of the actors in it the story looks standard brother love hate with wife of one in the middle I have yet to see it because I just can’t be bothered. New Moon come on now that is just bullshit made for the masses and by masses I mean stupid ass teenagers who can’t tell their ass from their elbow. I guess I could have been the same way, but I wasn’t I always tried to look for the thing that nobody else was into or then next thing yea I rocked a lot of the stupid fashions and music but I was there in the beginning for a lot of other what I think to be cool things. Avatar I do not know and I am not that interested in we shall see.
What appall me the most is that so many of my younger steeds have not seen or heard of so many movies that need to be seen and heard things like
Goodfellas- I was gonna put in Godfather but too slow for ‘em
Jaws – how have you not seen this movie
Seven - What’s in the box?!
Fightclub- what the first rule of fight club?
Cadyshack – nooonan
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs and almost anything by Quinton
Memento
Departed – Quickly becoming an all timer
Clockwork – No time for the old in out love got to read the meter.
Raging Bull – yeah I fucked your brother and I sucked his cock
Snatch
Big Lebowaski
Twelve Monkeys
Good Will Hunting
And others but there is more to follow

Whip it

I know it has been a while, but hey I get busy. No not really just can’t seem to follow through on much lately, I won’t get into the dirty details but those of you who know, and well you know. Ok but for the real reason for the latest blog Yes I saw a movie, well two actually so I will review one at a time in the order that I saw them in. Whip –it comes first. Blah blah blah it’s not a Devo song nor is it about masturbation. Its about roller derby girls, yea that right dyed hair lots of makeup and tattoos as well. I know that I am supposed to mature and get over things like that but holy jees that look just absolutely kills me I don’t know how I wound up where I am (well I do but that’s a another story for another blog.) So anyway there is Juno who of course is a smart outsider teenager who is also a nerd. I know it’s shocking anyway her and her mother don’t get along so blah blah lies about her age tries out and makes roller derby team becomes sensation gets found out and collides with her mother dad helps everyone happy. Like I said seen it before and even before that. Did like the roller derby chicks cause they are hot.

new rules for the new year

So I want some new rules to live by, when you are born you get all these gifts and money, that’s yours not your parents but yours, same for the first 4 birthdays that money is yours and is kept for you. When you turn five you get to look at the balance and see if you want to withdraw the money and buy some stuff. Now if you do this your parents can not say no, so if you want a weedwacker at 5 then it’s yours. You want candy same thing. Now you do not have to spend any of it or you can spend all of it but that is the rules. You can spend it as you wish, no interference, now if your parents spend any of it you get to garnish their wages until the debt is paid back and you can spank them too.
Spanking is now allowed but we will all be trained to spank correctly, because there are different kinds of spankings, you are a child and misbehaved spanking all the way to S&M safe word spanking, you will be taught all forms and how they are to be used. Parents may now spank their children in public if they need to strangers may as well but it has to be in front of the parent and the person must have been an expert spanker, this is a qualification you earn through training.
All cars will now have two way radios and the number will be the license plate. Going with government training you are also assigned a skill level for driving, not a bullshit skill level like in school like let’s just pass the kid but a real skill level, where you can use the left lane and other passing lanes and you have more power than other drivers. Also if you get a fruity personalized license plate and people call you on their two -way you have to answer as to why you got the plate and what it means. If you do this in a snarky way then that person has the right to spank you, see the above rule.
As a young man or woman you have the right to own an exotic pet (as long as it is not endangered) now if it bites you tears off your face or genitalia or anything crazy like that well that is the way it is. It’s called you took the risk so that’s what you get rule. Now that not to say your pet would not rock, it probably will but if you have a black widow and it bites you oh well that sucks same for monkeys, alligators, and all shit like that, want a zebra then fine I do not know what you are gonna do with it but have one. And by the way anyone who has a pet can’t say well it’s just like a dog or some shit. That just peeves me to no end. You will get spanked and have your animal taken away.