New Sneakers Part One

Sometimes things just make you feel good and I think I know what I need to make me feel better. I need a nice new pair of Nike Shoxx or some other cross trainer or running shoe. They make me feel better, always so crisp and white just begging to be put on and worn. New sneakers are like a new beginning with a new girl friend you look at em and think how crisp and sexy they are. Look at those babies I might be the first one to put my foot into them yeah. I think about the future of my shoes, the possibilities yet to happen, hoping that these new Kicks will motivate me to new heights. They will demand that I run in them they will not allow me knees and ankles to hurt it will be wonderful. They are Beautiful and white they have splashes of color to entice me even more. They will help me run faster jump higher and do whatever I want the future possibilities are endless. Now I believe that sneakers should be white I know Chuck Taylors were Black but Keds All-Stars were white and that’s what I wore. It is not a racist or sneakerist thing I do not have anything against other colors of sneakers I just love White Sneakers. So the sneaker that is new is a new beginning the future is unworn and unwritten like a relationship that us just starting. They feel different and great and you hope they will be the best pair ever and you hope that the feeling of your new shoe never changes.

Movies

Welcome back it has been awhile since I have had the desire to say or spread anything and while it still is a struggle I will try to get back into the swing of things for both of our sakes. Well lets talk about whats new and how I feel about that.
New movies that I have seen have been ok I really like paranormal activity but that was probably because it was interesting and done from a different perspective for 11 grand or whatever they made it for it sure as hell was more interesting then Public Enemies and that standard ass bullshit. Brothers looks good because of the actors in it the story looks standard brother love hate with wife of one in the middle I have yet to see it because I just can’t be bothered. New Moon come on now that is just bullshit made for the masses and by masses I mean stupid ass teenagers who can’t tell their ass from their elbow. I guess I could have been the same way, but I wasn’t I always tried to look for the thing that nobody else was into or then next thing yea I rocked a lot of the stupid fashions and music but I was there in the beginning for a lot of other what I think to be cool things. Avatar I do not know and I am not that interested in we shall see.
What appall me the most is that so many of my younger steeds have not seen or heard of so many movies that need to be seen and heard things like
Goodfellas- I was gonna put in Godfather but too slow for ‘em
Jaws – how have you not seen this movie
Seven - What’s in the box?!
Fightclub- what the first rule of fight club?
Cadyshack – nooonan
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs and almost anything by Quinton
Memento
Departed – Quickly becoming an all timer
Clockwork – No time for the old in out love got to read the meter.
Raging Bull – yeah I fucked your brother and I sucked his cock
Snatch
Big Lebowaski
Twelve Monkeys
Good Will Hunting
And others but there is more to follow

Whip it

I know it has been a while, but hey I get busy. No not really just can’t seem to follow through on much lately, I won’t get into the dirty details but those of you who know, and well you know. Ok but for the real reason for the latest blog Yes I saw a movie, well two actually so I will review one at a time in the order that I saw them in. Whip –it comes first. Blah blah blah it’s not a Devo song nor is it about masturbation. Its about roller derby girls, yea that right dyed hair lots of makeup and tattoos as well. I know that I am supposed to mature and get over things like that but holy jees that look just absolutely kills me I don’t know how I wound up where I am (well I do but that’s a another story for another blog.) So anyway there is Juno who of course is a smart outsider teenager who is also a nerd. I know it’s shocking anyway her and her mother don’t get along so blah blah lies about her age tries out and makes roller derby team becomes sensation gets found out and collides with her mother dad helps everyone happy. Like I said seen it before and even before that. Did like the roller derby chicks cause they are hot.

new rules for the new year

So I want some new rules to live by, when you are born you get all these gifts and money, that’s yours not your parents but yours, same for the first 4 birthdays that money is yours and is kept for you. When you turn five you get to look at the balance and see if you want to withdraw the money and buy some stuff. Now if you do this your parents can not say no, so if you want a weedwacker at 5 then it’s yours. You want candy same thing. Now you do not have to spend any of it or you can spend all of it but that is the rules. You can spend it as you wish, no interference, now if your parents spend any of it you get to garnish their wages until the debt is paid back and you can spank them too.
Spanking is now allowed but we will all be trained to spank correctly, because there are different kinds of spankings, you are a child and misbehaved spanking all the way to S&M safe word spanking, you will be taught all forms and how they are to be used. Parents may now spank their children in public if they need to strangers may as well but it has to be in front of the parent and the person must have been an expert spanker, this is a qualification you earn through training.
All cars will now have two way radios and the number will be the license plate. Going with government training you are also assigned a skill level for driving, not a bullshit skill level like in school like let’s just pass the kid but a real skill level, where you can use the left lane and other passing lanes and you have more power than other drivers. Also if you get a fruity personalized license plate and people call you on their two -way you have to answer as to why you got the plate and what it means. If you do this in a snarky way then that person has the right to spank you, see the above rule.
As a young man or woman you have the right to own an exotic pet (as long as it is not endangered) now if it bites you tears off your face or genitalia or anything crazy like that well that is the way it is. It’s called you took the risk so that’s what you get rule. Now that not to say your pet would not rock, it probably will but if you have a black widow and it bites you oh well that sucks same for monkeys, alligators, and all shit like that, want a zebra then fine I do not know what you are gonna do with it but have one. And by the way anyone who has a pet can’t say well it’s just like a dog or some shit. That just peeves me to no end. You will get spanked and have your animal taken away.

The Basterds are Here

Inglourious Basterds yes they are. Let’s say this right up front Quentin Tarantino Fucking Rocks. He is my George Lucas. I have been with him since Dogs and Yes I did see it in a movie theatre. Saw The Basterds, I loved it. Jews going after Nazi’s for going after the Jews. The bad guy is awesome Hans Landa is such a dick ,he is great super cool and super ego make for super villain. Loved him, he will snuff you out or sell you out it just doesn’t matter. Pitt as Aldo Raine is simply superb, I love when Pitt puts on an accent you all remember Snatch, well he does another accent here and he plays it awesome, but what makes it even funnier and better is his almost sheer stupidity of his plans and that people follow him. Watch for his facial expressions when the leg injury is mentioned. Eli Roth is Fabulous as the Bear Jew and his Teddy Fucking Williams accent. The dialogue is definitely different as the cool factor had to be replaced,there was no cool in 1944 the facts are all wrong but hey it’s a movie not a history lesson. Biggest complaint characters just go missing like Mr. Blue from Res Dogs there are a couple of Basterds who you go, what happened to him. That and there was not enough action scenes with the Basterds and the Nazis I know that Tarantino is at his best with implied violence but man we saw the Bride kill everybody could we see the Basterds kill some people. This slides right into a tie for number three with Kill Bill ahead of Grindhouse

Drunken Monkeys

Drunken monkeys are the most fun to play with. There are many different kinds of drunks, the drunks who go quiet and introspective, they are totally un-fun. The fighting drunk they were fun when you were 16 and they just wanted to duke anyone out, sometimes it was you and other times it was somebody else, now they are just assholes. There are funny drunks who make things even goofier then when they are sober cause they are just so clowney. There is the loud drunks, who just do not know what volume they speak at, so they shout everything it’s like they are wearing an iPod at full volume and still wanting to talk. Then there is the drunken monkey, they are loud so loud its hurtful to your whole head, they are also unable to follow any conversation for more than 3 seconds, they are like a kitten with a bunch of toys they just do not know what to play with or what to do. They interrupt, and they are never wrong the drunken monkey can be funny, can be sad, but are never ever wrong and they are as fun as a barrel of regular people. When the drunken monkey is around normal drunk people shenanigans will usually ensue, the regular drunks will be having a conversation that the drunken monkey tries to get in on but does not know what is going on so they yell at you. Then they forget what they were saying and move on, if you make fun of the drunken monkey they do not know how to react, should they yell at you and curse you out or should they laugh? They scan the room but cannot comprehend the situation so sometimes they laugh and others the act out in a negative way. The drunken monkey is a species to behold and they best watched while drunk yourself as to not get annoyed with their conduct you can laugh and joke with them easier this way. So when you go to your next get together scan the room and find the drunken monkey have a couple and egg them on it can only lead to more fun.

CEREAL

So I like cereal, many many different kinds, and when I was a kid I liked even more. now I eat “healthy” cereal that is low in cholesterol and high in fiber, like there is one more thing I need to do is poop more. So I want to know how and who thought of Snap Crackle and Pop. Three gay midgets who make noise when you add milk. Snap Crackle and Pop were not my favorites as a matter of fact that was one of the few cereals I did not eat. But if you gave me a Green Talking Frog and some Sugar Snaps I am in. Give me a giant Tiger with a bandana screaming “They’re Great” and he is talking about kids I think he is a pedi. A talking rabbit who can’t spell Trix are for kids, this is how I got my information as a kid. I listened and wanted Boo-Berry and Count Chocula and wanted to hang out with Captain Crunch I did a lot of crazy shit when I was younger and I blame cereal characters from Lucky Charms who pushed acid to taking rabbits and whatever the hell a Honeycomb was it was. these people that led me out of my youth with no fear what type of drugged out sex fiends were shilling shit for us as kids