new rules for the new year

So I want some new rules to live by, when you are born you get all these gifts and money, that’s yours not your parents but yours, same for the first 4 birthdays that money is yours and is kept for you. When you turn five you get to look at the balance and see if you want to withdraw the money and buy some stuff. Now if you do this your parents can not say no, so if you want a weedwacker at 5 then it’s yours. You want candy same thing. Now you do not have to spend any of it or you can spend all of it but that is the rules. You can spend it as you wish, no interference, now if your parents spend any of it you get to garnish their wages until the debt is paid back and you can spank them too.
Spanking is now allowed but we will all be trained to spank correctly, because there are different kinds of spankings, you are a child and misbehaved spanking all the way to S&M safe word spanking, you will be taught all forms and how they are to be used. Parents may now spank their children in public if they need to strangers may as well but it has to be in front of the parent and the person must have been an expert spanker, this is a qualification you earn through training.
All cars will now have two way radios and the number will be the license plate. Going with government training you are also assigned a skill level for driving, not a bullshit skill level like in school like let’s just pass the kid but a real skill level, where you can use the left lane and other passing lanes and you have more power than other drivers. Also if you get a fruity personalized license plate and people call you on their two -way you have to answer as to why you got the plate and what it means. If you do this in a snarky way then that person has the right to spank you, see the above rule.
As a young man or woman you have the right to own an exotic pet (as long as it is not endangered) now if it bites you tears off your face or genitalia or anything crazy like that well that is the way it is. It’s called you took the risk so that’s what you get rule. Now that not to say your pet would not rock, it probably will but if you have a black widow and it bites you oh well that sucks same for monkeys, alligators, and all shit like that, want a zebra then fine I do not know what you are gonna do with it but have one. And by the way anyone who has a pet can’t say well it’s just like a dog or some shit. That just peeves me to no end. You will get spanked and have your animal taken away.

The Basterds are Here

Inglourious Basterds yes they are. Let’s say this right up front Quentin Tarantino Fucking Rocks. He is my George Lucas. I have been with him since Dogs and Yes I did see it in a movie theatre. Saw The Basterds, I loved it. Jews going after Nazi’s for going after the Jews. The bad guy is awesome Hans Landa is such a dick ,he is great super cool and super ego make for super villain. Loved him, he will snuff you out or sell you out it just doesn’t matter. Pitt as Aldo Raine is simply superb, I love when Pitt puts on an accent you all remember Snatch, well he does another accent here and he plays it awesome, but what makes it even funnier and better is his almost sheer stupidity of his plans and that people follow him. Watch for his facial expressions when the leg injury is mentioned. Eli Roth is Fabulous as the Bear Jew and his Teddy Fucking Williams accent. The dialogue is definitely different as the cool factor had to be replaced,there was no cool in 1944 the facts are all wrong but hey it’s a movie not a history lesson. Biggest complaint characters just go missing like Mr. Blue from Res Dogs there are a couple of Basterds who you go, what happened to him. That and there was not enough action scenes with the Basterds and the Nazis I know that Tarantino is at his best with implied violence but man we saw the Bride kill everybody could we see the Basterds kill some people. This slides right into a tie for number three with Kill Bill ahead of Grindhouse

Drunken Monkeys

Drunken monkeys are the most fun to play with. There are many different kinds of drunks, the drunks who go quiet and introspective, they are totally un-fun. The fighting drunk they were fun when you were 16 and they just wanted to duke anyone out, sometimes it was you and other times it was somebody else, now they are just assholes. There are funny drunks who make things even goofier then when they are sober cause they are just so clowney. There is the loud drunks, who just do not know what volume they speak at, so they shout everything it’s like they are wearing an iPod at full volume and still wanting to talk. Then there is the drunken monkey, they are loud so loud its hurtful to your whole head, they are also unable to follow any conversation for more than 3 seconds, they are like a kitten with a bunch of toys they just do not know what to play with or what to do. They interrupt, and they are never wrong the drunken monkey can be funny, can be sad, but are never ever wrong and they are as fun as a barrel of regular people. When the drunken monkey is around normal drunk people shenanigans will usually ensue, the regular drunks will be having a conversation that the drunken monkey tries to get in on but does not know what is going on so they yell at you. Then they forget what they were saying and move on, if you make fun of the drunken monkey they do not know how to react, should they yell at you and curse you out or should they laugh? They scan the room but cannot comprehend the situation so sometimes they laugh and others the act out in a negative way. The drunken monkey is a species to behold and they best watched while drunk yourself as to not get annoyed with their conduct you can laugh and joke with them easier this way. So when you go to your next get together scan the room and find the drunken monkey have a couple and egg them on it can only lead to more fun.

CEREAL

So I like cereal, many many different kinds, and when I was a kid I liked even more. now I eat “healthy” cereal that is low in cholesterol and high in fiber, like there is one more thing I need to do is poop more. So I want to know how and who thought of Snap Crackle and Pop. Three gay midgets who make noise when you add milk. Snap Crackle and Pop were not my favorites as a matter of fact that was one of the few cereals I did not eat. But if you gave me a Green Talking Frog and some Sugar Snaps I am in. Give me a giant Tiger with a bandana screaming “They’re Great” and he is talking about kids I think he is a pedi. A talking rabbit who can’t spell Trix are for kids, this is how I got my information as a kid. I listened and wanted Boo-Berry and Count Chocula and wanted to hang out with Captain Crunch I did a lot of crazy shit when I was younger and I blame cereal characters from Lucky Charms who pushed acid to taking rabbits and whatever the hell a Honeycomb was it was. these people that led me out of my youth with no fear what type of drugged out sex fiends were shilling shit for us as kids

District 9

District 9 some of you will hate it but I loved it. It was a movie that has so many layers and so much going on but in a very smart sort of way. First thing I like it does not take place in America. It takes place in Johannesburg South Africa. An alien ship just stops and hover over the city. It is there for three months before the Africans decide to try to make contact and when they do they meet the Aliens. The Aliens are all undernourished and they look like giant bugs or shrimps. They are gathered from the ship and are relocated to a tent or shanty town that is called District 9. The Aliens have been here for about 17 or so years and the people come to despise them. There is much anger and resentment towards the prawns. Politically they have no power and are treated as unwelcome unhelpful and wanted beings all would wish they would just leave. They are, to be relocated to District 10 200 kilometers away. MNU multinational industries are in charge of policing them and relocating them. Wikus Vandermeer is in charge of relocation and the prawns while scavenging are also fiends for Cat food and Rubber. While Wkius is serving eviction notices he finds many strange things including some stolen and scrounged computer parts and what look to be a distillery. Wikus comes into contact with some liquid and begins to metamorphous into an alien. His company rather than treat him wants to use him to see if he can use the aliens weapons system which humans cannot use. It is here where the movie really begins to get even deeper and more complex it shows the inhumanity of business and that it is all about profit even when personal relationships are involved. Wikus is hunted by MNU and by humans as well as unable to trust or be trusted by the Aliens. There is much more that goes on in the movie it has an open and different ending and as the movie builds so does the action. I thought it was an original take on an old idea on a 1-10 scale I give it a solid 7.5

A rant on Healthcare

Well it is time for a political rant. I am sick and tired of all this political bullshit over healthcare. Should we have healthcare for everyone? Well it’s a good concept but we must at least accept that some people will totally take advantage of the situation they are in. Whether it is C.E.O. ‘s giving themselves bonuses while asking or handouts or welfare recipients scamming the system it is going to happen. OK so let’s go with healthcare, Should we have a “public option” probably because in the free enterprise system the more competition the better but it will never happen in our system because our system is being run by lobbyists who will tell politicians how to write a bill and then donate tons of money to their campaign both as individuals and as corporations. We want change, we want things to get better for all, now Tim I believe in some of what you say but in simple terms the business of business is to make money. No matter if you are in insurance, oil, building cars or whatever, from the corner bagel place and landscaper you want to make money, even as workers ,we want to do a job and get paid for it. The job of government is to protect the people and provide an infrastructure. They are going to provide safety in an army and military and police and fire department and infrastructure in roads and public and things like that. When business gets out of the government then we can have laws that protect and provide for the people. With the health care bill is discussed and debated every member of congress should list right up front who their donors from the health insurance companies are. The right type of bills will never get passed because of special interests and money so let’s stop playing that one group is better than the other. For me it is all about social issues, so health insurance will change some and our taxes will go up. The illuminati will still rule the world and Obama will fall in line, the reason McCain did not win was that Palin just couldn’t be trusted to play the game.

District 9

So I just saw District 9 and it ROCKED. Done in Documentary style and cinema style mixed, it takes place in Johannesburg Africa. An Alien Ship has floated over the city and after 3 months the humans check it out. The aliens are all messed up and they are taken out of the ship and taken to a relocation camp which turns into a slum. The aliens are treated like second class citizens who are called prawns a derogatory term. So the movie takes a little time to build as we watch the humans denigrate the aliens. Eventually the citizens want the m out of the city proper and the plan to move them 100 or so miles out of the city. As the private company(HMU) contracted to remove the aliens begin to do so, we see that the aliens are scroungers, eat cat food, and are just generally wacky they are restricted to this slums and they eat rubber and just do weird shit. Any way some aliens are “bad “stealing guns from humans and stealing and just behaving badly. As the private company tries to evict the aliens the leader of the HMU The private company gets sprayed by some black juice. He starts to react to the juice in a very negative way. Getting sick and starting to physically change it’s at this point that his own company starts to look at him as an experiment rather than an injured employee. They want to see if this transformation will allow him to operate alien weaponry, this seems to be a theme of why MNU has been involved they are conducting various experiments to the aliens. As the dude that has been sprayed starts to change he finds that he can’t trust the government and that the aliens also don’t trust him he is all alone with no one to help him some pretty heavy themes in the flick racism, antigovernment, corporate corruption and many others plus a little Sci-Fi loved it you should too, check it out